Dream

Last night I had a thought-provoking dream. In it, I was teaching a Sunday school class (oddly with my parents) but there was only one class member present. It was a young woman who had decided that God isn't real and wanted nothing to do with church. When it was apparent that no one else was going to be there for class, I ended up putting my lesson aside and asked her about her beliefs... or lack thereof. She proceeded to ask controversial question after controversial question about church history and religion in general, some of which I had no good answer for. I pointed out to her that she had obviously looked very intently for evidence to back up her idea that God wasn't real, but had she spent any time looking for the evidence that He was? I then presented the fact that not only could I not prove to her that God was real, but likewise, she could not prove to me that He was not.

It was at this point that I woke up. In that half awake, half asleep state, I continued to ponder on the theme of the dream. If someone is looking for reasons to leave the church or even religion in general, they really don't have to look very far to find all sorts of arguments supporting their desire. It brought to mind one of my most favorite quotes, "the eye sees what the mind looks for." Sometime near the beginning of my own conversion, I realized that I had been going through the motions of church because of "the traditions of my fathers." I had been raised in the Church, taught about Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Plan of Salvation. I trusted my parents and teachers and it all felt good to me, but did I really believe it? Sometimes my literal and intellectual brain wanted to reject it all as preposterous without any concrete evidence or physical proof. I ultimately came to the point where I decided that I needed to choose if I wanted to believe or not. When looking at the two options, going toward the belief that there was no God left me feeling empty and alone, and my whole existence shallow. Whereas the idea of choosing to believe that there was a God who loved me, had a plan for me, and had my back, brought me comfort, peace, and fulfillment. 

So I chose to believe. That was the beginning of building my own testimony. Since then, I have experimented on the word and found the sweetness of faith. I have paid attention to how I feel when I read the scriptures and done my best to live as Jesus taught and recognized the feelings I had as the Spirit witnessing to me of truth. As a recovering perfectionist, I have felt peace in knowing that making mistakes is totally part of life, but the key is to learn from them... I've felt comfort and joy as I have repented and repaired and learned and grown in the process. 

So yes, I choose to believe. And that belief serves me very well.